We’re All Wounded Ducks

Living near a body of water is therapeutic for me. Whether sitting near it working or just being hypnotized by its unpredictability, it helps me find my center. It allows me meditate on the beauty of God’s creative hands and all that I’m thankful for. It allows me to refocus on who am, not just what I do, and how my purpose is being lived out under the direction of God. That’s why, when my daughter asked to go to the lake one fall day, I was happy to oblige. I grabbed a box of cereal (to feed the ducks) and headed out.

When we got there, the ducks were plentiful. Some were walking along the makeshift beach, some swam close-by and others playfully engaged off the shore. As we began to throw cereal on the ground, they responded immediately. Apprehensively coming closer, they greedily devoured the cereal. We joyfully tossed the cereal, enjoying how much it seemed to provide nourishment to the hungry flock. As we did, one duck caught my eye. It was standing down the shore but close enough for me to see there was something wrong with it (out of respect, I’ll refer to it as her). She stood minding her own business drinking from the lake until she noticed food being dispersed. At that point, she began to walk our way; which is when I noticed her limp. As she got closer, I realized her left leg was red, swollen and twice the size of her other leg; it could no longer be used. It looked downright painful! She was literally dragging her dead foot to get the food! Watching her navigate her pain just to take care of herself broke my heart but there was nothing I could do help her (without the risk of being attacked or contracting some type of strange wild bird disease). So I let her be and left with a heavy heart feeling like I needed to do something to help her.

The next day, I called the Georgia Wildlife Association and told them about the duck in hopes they’d send someone to rescue her, take her to a facility, nurse her back to health and then release her back into the wild. I’m pretty sure that man thought I was out of my mind! By the time I finished explaining the nature of my call, he cut me off saying “Ma’am, we don’t do that.” I was discouraged but couldn’t leave it alone. That afternoon, I drove back down to the lake to check on her but she wasn’t there. I returned the next day, no wounded duck. Listen, I became so emotionally attached to this duck that I prayed for God to help her and make sure she was ok! LOL (yeah, I’m laughing at myself too). At some point that week I sat and really had to ask myself “Brandi, what is your obsession with this duck?!” It came to me clear as day….I SAW MYSELF AS THE WOUNDED DUCK!

You see, about 4 months before the duck revelation, I started my therapy journey; taking a leap of faith to work with a professional to help me sort through my trauma, the impact it’s had on my life and how to heal from the inside out. I began facing hard truths about the effects of my past, learned techniques to conquer them and how to experience true freedom. In the midst of the process, here was this freaking duck! I realized that subconsciously I saw her and I as one in the same. More specifically she, despite having a leg that could no longer be used and causing her pain, continued to live! She pressed forward, feeding and nourishing herself along with other ducks like nothing was wrong. Similarly I, despite harboring the ramifications of sexual abuse, abandonment and emotional trauma, still managed to successfully pour into my family and career. My internal wounds weighed on me the same as her external wounds did. I dragged mine around day in and day out (like she dragged her dead leg) while still living a purposed life.

I then started to think about the people I serve in different capacities of my life; family, friends, co-workers, clients and realized…WE’RE ALL WOUNDED DUCKS! All of us are carrying wounds that effect us each day (either consciously or subconsciously). What differentiates us is how we manage them. Based on my experiences (good and bad), here are some tools to help manage wounds but also heal them in time.

Compartmentalize (strategically)

I will preface this by saying, compartmentalization can be dangerous if we don’t find time to treat the wounds and allow them to heal. It can easily develop into a form of cognitive dissonance if we aren’t careful. But if managed strategically, it helps us focus on other things in our lives that need immediate attention. For me, I couldn’t focus on my trauma while navigating graduate school nor could I focus on it when I needed to motivate my daughter to stay in North Carolina to finish her degree. I couldn’t focus on my wounds as I wrote my best friends’ obituary and planned her memorial nor could I focus on them while I supported my mother through her life-threatening illness. I had to master the art of saying “this isn’t important right now” to ensure my wounds didn’t overshadow pivotal moments in my life.

Be Honest (with yourself)

One of the most harmful things we can do to ourselves is create false narratives about the effects of our wounds. “Oh that didn’t hurt me.” or “I got over that a long time ago.” or “I don’t really care.” There were many things that happened in my life that I made these statements about for years but didn’t realize, until I began therapy, that I never got over them. One night, I sat in bed doing an activity from a trauma book listing out all my trauma and the circumstances surrounding them. Baaaaby! I cried and nearly dropped to my knees thanking God for His grace and mercy over my mind after all those things happened to me! All the emotions flooded back like a rushing wind! This wouldn’t have happened if I had been honest with myself all along.

Be Open (to help yourself and with others)

Too often in today’s “smoke and mirrors” reality, are we expected to look our best and put on perfect faces when we’re not actually ok. We operate with filters that say “I’m great” or “I’m doing fine” when we’re really in shambles. Doing this only keeps wounds covered but doesn’t allow them the air they need to breathe. To heal, they need to breathe and to breathe they must be addressed. Don’t try to hide them. Address them by talking to someone, heal and then use them as your testimony to help others!

Get Comfortable in the Healing Process (and keep it moving)

Taking steps to address our wounds and then work through the healing process can be a lengthy process but life continues to happen simultaneously. Because of this, we can’t press pause on life and come back to it when we’re dusted off and ready to be the better version of ourselves. We still have families to serve. Kids to raise. Businesses to run. Degrees to attain. Work obligations to fulfill. The list goes on and on. What’s important is we keep it pushing in the midst of our healing. I think about that duck, lol! Lord knows I was so terrified when she wasn’t still at the lake when I kept going back looking for her. I thought something happened to her because she was wounded! I had to realize, she ate that cereal and kept doing what she was doing when I first saw her; living her best duck life while managing her wound. We need to do the same.

Remember The Flock (you’re not alone)

I felt compelled to write about my “wounded duck” revelation because for so many years my wounds went untreated (and subsequently remained unhealed) because I didn’t consider the fact that WE’RE ALL WOUNDED DUCKS and that I wasn’t alone. When I realized this, I felt more comfortable talking about my wounds and acknowledging that I’ve experienced things that many people in my life wouldn’t imagine I’ve endured. I started to see myself as part of God’s flock; a flock of over-comers and disciples. A flock that includes everyone, even if not everyone realizes or admits it. We ALL have wounds.

My prayer is that you find the time and energy to face your wounds head on. I hope you find power in saying “these things happened to me but they won’t define me”; strength in saying “I will do the hard work to heal” and hope in saying “God is greater than my highs and lows. I am FREE, no longer bound by wounds that have afflicted me.”